When I got to the DMV, I got a number and took a seat. A couple was seated near me with their young son. The kid said he wanted McDonald’s just as a large older woman in a wheelchair cruised into the room. The woman in the wheelchair turned to the kid and said, “Do you deserve McDonald’s? Have you been a good kid, or have you been acting like a fool?”

I had no idea why she would say something like that to a stranger, and neither did the mother. She got up in the face of the woman in the wheelchair and said “Who you calling a fool? You don’t call my kid a fool. You better apologize.” Then the dad got in the face of the wheelchair-bound woman, while the mom was urging him to “do something” to this disabled woman.

The woman in the wheelchair wasn’t backing down. I finally turned to a woman behind the counter and said, “Is he really going to beat up a handicapped woman in the DMV?” She shrugged her shoulders and replied, “At least the police are downstairs if it happens.”

Entertainment like that is exactly why I go to the Grandview DMV.

I thought it was weird, but I told him no, and asked why. He said, “It’s good to know when I take you out to dinner on our first date.”

Pretty bad, huh? So what our some of your favorite bad pick up lines? I know The D will have a few for us :)-

A screwdriver. I had a full-size screwdriver in my carry-on luggage, and I didn’t even know it was there. Neither airport caught it.  It’s great to know our airport security is taking such good care of us.

I’ve had a string of white trash run-ins lately. It started with a camping trip,  then Walmart, and yesterday it continued in a McDonalds drive-thru. I pulled into line for breakfast, and the guy in the car ahead of me honked at the car in front of him. I guess the woman in that car didn’t pull around fast enough for this guy.  The woman put her head out the window, and said, “Fuck you, you fucking idiot.”

I couldn’t hear the guy’s response, but it made the woman get out of her car. She walked to his car window and yelled, “I’m getting married next week, and you’ll never find someone as good as me.” His response? “I feel sorry for the guy marrying your dumb ass.”

Did I mention that the guy had his hair spiked up like a porcupine and his car had vanity plates? And the woman had on a 90’s combo of biker shorts/oversized t-shirt, and looked like she had a meth habit?

Um, I really need to start hanging out at better places.

So I was sitting near these girls and their youth group leader, and they starting talking about their future wedding nights. They were saying sex would hurt on their wedding nights, but it would be a good kind of hurt because they’d be giving themselves to their husbands.

Give me a damn break. Most of these girls won’t be virgins on their wedding nights. Hell, most of them won’t be virgins after their first year of college. But lucky for the church girls, I wasn’t in the mood to burst their bubbles…or cherries.

The whole pant sagging thing… if guys want to walk around looking like idiots, fine. Or at least that’s what I thought until yesterday at Target. I saw a guy there with sagging pants carrying his baby with one hand while trying to hold his pants up with the other. The crotch of his pants was down between his knees, so he was doing this stupid waddle walk.

Guess what happened? This guy tripped while carrying his baby. Thankfully, he caught himself before he hit the floor, and his baby didn’t bounce out of his arms. Still, since his bad fashion sense put his kid in jeopardy, maybe it’s time for him to finally pull up his damn pants.

And before I forget, today I was at a red light on 39th Street by Missie B’s  when the guy in the car next to me starting hitting on me. Or I think that’s what he was doing… he was drunk, slurring, and it wasn’t even 5:00 yet.

Three gay guys were walking up to Missie B’s and noticed the exchange. One yelled, “Roll up your window, sugar!”, while another told the guy in the car to go away.  The third guy said to me, “Can you believe that guy actually thinks he has a shot?”. That was my thinking too, because slurring drunk guys are never attractive, especially in the light of day. Still, I bet drunk driving dude felt stupid being cock blocked by some gay guys.

“Hey, little white girl. I’d like to make sweet love to you. Give me 24 hours.

My response?

“It’s takes you 24 hours to get a woman off? No thanks.”

Bubba, what in God’s name do you think your doing?

Bubba…why would you call your kid Bubba? That kid is going to get teased no end. I almost wanted to kidnap him and drop him off at Social Services so he could have a new start with a different family.

Little girl: Mommy, I gotta pee. (Said while doing the pee pee dance.)
Little brother: Just pee on yourself already.

After the little brother said that, their mom smacked the brother upside the head, and told him to watch his mouth. After wacking her son, the mom didn’t take her daughter to the bathroom. I would have taken the girl to the restroom myself, but Walmart probably would have called a Code Adam and had me arrested for kidnapping.

Hey honey, do we need some cleaner for the stinky poo?

I couldn’t figure out if stinky poo was a nickname for someone, or if it really was poo that smelled bad. Either way, I didn’t stick around to find out.