Sunday I went out to lunch and sat next to my worst nightmare… a bunch of teen girls from a church youth group. Believe what you want to believe, but church is my own personal hell. I can say that because I’m the product of private Christian schooling… scary, isn’t it?

So I was sitting near these girls and their youth group leader, and they starting talking about their future wedding nights. They were saying sex would hurt on their wedding nights, but it would be a good kind of hurt because they’d be giving themselves to their husbands.

Give me a damn break. Most of these girls won’t be virgins on their wedding nights. Hell, most of them won’t be virgins after their first year of college. But lucky for the church girls, I wasn’t in the mood to burst their bubbles…or cherries.

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The whole pant sagging thing… if guys want to walk around looking like idiots, fine. Or at least that’s what I thought until yesterday at Target. I saw a guy there with sagging pants carrying his baby with one hand while trying to hold his pants up with the other. The crotch of his pants was down between his knees, so he was doing this stupid waddle walk.

Guess what happened? This guy tripped while carrying his baby. Thankfully, he caught himself before he hit the floor, and his baby didn’t bounce out of his arms. Still, since his bad fashion sense put his kid in jeopardy, maybe it’s time for him to finally pull up his damn pants.

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JOCO Everyman mentioned in a comment that I don’t post very often. It’s true, and the big reason lately is that my new job has my site cock blocked. It’s considered a pornographic site. And while the pornography label is entertaining, it doesn’t help me post at work. Anyway, I’ll try to post more often.

And before I forget, today I was at a red light on 39th Street by Missie B’s  when the guy in the car next to me starting hitting on me. Or I think that’s what he was doing… he was drunk, slurring, and it wasn’t even 5:00 yet.

Three gay guys were walking up to Missie B’s and noticed the exchange. One yelled, “Roll up your window, sugar!”, while another told the guy in the car to go away.  The third guy said to me, “Can you believe that guy actually thinks he has a shot?”. That was my thinking too, because slurring drunk guys are never attractive, especially in the light of day. Still, I bet drunk driving dude felt stupid being cock blocked by some gay guys.

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I followed my friend Stef to the Ethnic Enrichment Festival today at Swope Park. I was behind her at a red light when a car pulled up next to me. The driver said…

“Hey, little white girl. I’d like to make sweet love to you. Give me 24 hours.

My response?

“It’s takes you 24 hours to get a woman off? No thanks.”

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I know it’s bad to shop at Walmart, but where else could I overhear these things in the space of 10 minutes?

Bubba, what in God’s name do you think your doing?

Bubba…why would you call your kid Bubba? That kid is going to get teased no end. I almost wanted to kidnap him and drop him off at Social Services so he could have a new start with a different family.

Little girl: Mommy, I gotta pee. (Said while doing the pee pee dance.)
Little brother: Just pee on yourself already.

After the little brother said that, their mom smacked the brother upside the head, and told him to watch his mouth. After wacking her son, the mom didn’t take her daughter to the bathroom. I would have taken the girl to the restroom myself, but Walmart probably would have called a Code Adam and had me arrested for kidnapping.

Hey honey, do we need some cleaner for the stinky poo?

I couldn’t figure out if stinky poo was a nickname for someone, or if it really was poo that smelled bad. Either way, I didn’t stick around to find out.

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I was browsing in a bookstore yesterday when I came across a book called How Not to Look Fat.  And no, I’m not calling myself fat, but we all like to look our best, right? I skimmed the book, and found this nugget of information:

Popping your collar elongates the neck and casts a flattering shadow along your jawline. 

Really? This author wrote for the New York Post, and she actually condones collar popping? Well, I may be losing this popped collar war, but at least I didn’t join the dark side and buy this book.

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Dangerboy and I went on a trip last week. I knew it was off to a good start when we were at the airport and overheard a business man’s cell phone conversation:

“He’s an asshole, he’s an asshole. I know he’s my brother, Dad, but he’s still an asshole.”

Other highlights include…

- Getting drunk with a Portland friend before lunch… okay, maybe before breakfast
- Hearing the phrase “shut the front door” for the first time (Nice way to say STFU)
- Staying on our friends’ sailboat in Seattle
- Drunken dinghy rides (Not that kind of dingy… get your minds out of the gutter)
- Finding a place with old school peep show booths in Seattle
- Staying in a corner penthouse suite in downtown Vancouver
- Fireworks in Vancouver just because
- Beautiful 70 degree weather

The only negative was that I couldn’t tell the difference between the hippies and the homeless in Portland. I didn’t know who needed my spare change the most. All in all, it was a great trip, and I’m sure Dangerboy will have some of the pics up on his site soon.

That was my week/weekend… how was yours?

trippin' | 5 Comments »