I’m sick with a crappy cold on my birthday weekend. And last night I misread the directions on a Robitussin bottle, and took 4 doses at once. I was high as a kite, or as the kids like to call it these days, robotripping. I’m too sick to go out drinking tonight. Instead, I may get hopped up on Robitussin again and leave incoherent comments on everyone’s blogs.
Have a good weekend, and if you’re drinking, have one for me.
A woman at the Lubbock, Texas airport was forced to remove her nipple rings by a TSA agent recently. She set off the metal detector, and she told the agent she was wearing nipple rings. The TSA agent then told the woman she had to remove them. After she told the agent she couldn’t remove them without a pair of pliers, the TSA agent brought her some pliers. For some reason, the agent let the woman leave her belly ring in place. The woman has an attorney who said, “The last time that I checked a nipple was not a dangerous weapon.”
The Pitch.com posted that Erotic City has filed a lawsuit against Jackson County about the new adult businesses regulations. The lawsuit alleges that the new ordinance is unconstitutional and violates of at least four Amendments, including the ever popular First Amendment.
I can’t wait to see how this fight for jacking off behind closed doors goes in court. If this case actually goes to trial, I’ll take some vacation to be in the courtroom just to hear lawyers uncomfortably say words like semen and masturbation.
Last week, the Pitch had an article about the troubles of Erotic City. If you’re not familiar with it, Erotic City is the adult novelty shop and strip club in Blue Summit, a little unincorporated section of Jackson County near Independence, Missouri. The owners closed the strip club and 26 adult video booths in February due to new county regulations of adult businesses.
I read the new ordinance (section 43), and if Erotic City wants to reopen its video booths, it looks like they’ll have to jump through some serious hoops. Part 4321.1 of the ordinance says the business owner must:
Ensure that each motion picture arcade booth shall have at least one side which is completely open to adjacent public rooms or adjacent hallways…
Yes, you read that right – NO DOORS. What’s the point of going to a booth if you can’t jack off in private? Well, according to the new rules, you can’t even do that. Part 4321.10 of the ordinance says that a business owner must:
Ensure and prevent any person occupying a motion picture arcade booth from engaging in any “specified sexual activities” or causing any bodily disharge of semen… while insde the motion picture arcade booth…
I’m not making this up. A customer could go into a video booth, but if he got caught with his pants down, a staff member would need to stop the one-man action. So instead of just saying that Erotic City can’t have video booths at all, Jackson County passes rules that make the adult booths so unappealing that most people wouldn’t want to use them.
I love Cracked.com because they come up with some of the most odball random lists. This time it’s the 25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys. I agree with some of their choices, but I’ve seen other toys that are way more fucked up than a few of these.
Oh, and those rubber duckies vibrate. They’re #9 on the list. They make me rethink that song Ernie used to sing on Sesame Street…
Rubber Ducky, you’re the one
You make bathtime lots of fun
Rubber Ducky, I’m awfully fond of youWoo woo be doo
Rubber Ducky, joy of joys
When I squeeze you, you make noise
Rubber Ducky, you’re my very best friend, it’s trueDoo doo doo doo, doo doo
Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who’s
Cute and yellow and chubbyRub-a-dub-a-dubby
I had to visit the DMV the other day to renew my driver’s license. I came prepared for the long wait with a book to read so I wouldn’t have to look at everyone else picking their noses. When my number was called, the man behind the counter looked at my driver’s license and said, “Michelle Renee? That’s my daughter’s name”. And then he told me how his daughter ended up with that combination.
While his wife was having the baby, DMV guy went to a local bar for a few drinks. (This was over 30 years ago, before guys like Chimpotle were whipped into being present for their kids’ births.) After DMV guy got nice and drunk, he returned to the hospital, and his wife asked him about a name for their little girl. They had already decided on Michelle for a first name. The guy said he looked out the window and saw a truck that read “Renee Diaper Service”, so he said, “Let’s name her Michelle Renee.”
I guess DMV’s guy’s daughter is still pissed that her name came from a crappy diaper service. I would be too. Come on, who thinks naming their kid after a company that picks up kids’ shitty diapers is really a good idea? Anyway, I said to tell her my dad wasn’t drunk, and I wasn’t named after a diaper truck, but I still ended up with the same name.
My birthday is at the end of the month, and I forced asked Dangerboy to redesign my website header as an early gift. The red pinup girl was cute, but I like this one better. The book she’s holding goes with my library lady gig. And the pencil in her other hand goes along with writing a blog. Plus she’s showing her ass… what more could you ask for?
TheSuperficial.com has a story today about a company that makes celebrity blow up dolls. Pipedream Products (NSFW, duh) makes dolls of Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, and even Sarah Jessica Parker. I’m not sure how well that SJP one is going to sell. After all, Maxim did name her the world’s unsexiest woman.
Saturday I did the Westport St. Patrick’s run. I was hoping to see The D there, but if he was, he must have been way ahead of me. The weather was wet, snowy, and cold. A couple thousand people did the 4 mile run… everyone else was smart enough not to pay to run in crappy ass weather.
Last weekend, I went to Washington, D.C. to spend time with Dangerboy, who was already there for a national bike meeting. The weekend was great, and everything was fine until it was time to fly home. Dangerboy and couldn’t fly home together because I booked later than him. I ended up with a flight to Kansas City via Newark, New Jersey. That wasn’t the problem. No, having my flight to Newark cancel, being put on train to Newark, getting stuck in the Newark Airport for 12 hours before having my repeatedly delayed flight to Kansas City cancel, and having to stay overnight in New Jersey — those were the problems.
But now I’m home, and for my sanity’s sake, the comedy of errors known as Continental Airlines doesn’t need to be ranted about anymore. The trip before all that was wonderful. We did lots of sightseeing. Look, we saw a guy with an umbrella in his pocket….
…. because his hands were too busy in his pants.
There were lots of other idiots found in our sightseeing, but my cell phone camera (and my brain) can handle only so much stupidity on one trip.
