I only worked at the porn store for a few years, but I had six different bosses by the time I left. I’m pretty sure boss #1 was a meth head.  What makes me think that? It could have been her bone thinness. Or maybe the ”rode hard and put away wet” look. Possibly the teeth rotting out of her head. But also because she went on benders and skipped work for days at a time.  Finally someone higher up got tired of her crap, fired her, changed the locks, and hired boss #2.  

Actually, boss #2 wasn’t so bad. He didn’t sleep with any of the staff, which is more than I can say for boss #3.  She slept with several staff members (no, not with me).  And the reason I know this is because she told everyone… in detail.  And she had a couple of lecherous sugar daddies who hung out at the porn store.  Eww.  She eventually slept her way up to a promotion, and then boss #4, sneaky supervisor, was hired.  I’ve written about him before… but long story short, he fired a coworker and me because of a birthday cake.  What an idiot.

I was rehired by a friend who was boss #5.  I have no complaints about her whatsoever… she was wonderful.  However, she got sick of the place and finally walked out. Management asked if I wanted to run the place. Hell no. This was a part time gig for me. I had my library job during the day. Besides, there was no way I going to tell my parents  they put me through college so I could be a manage a porn store.

The higher ups then promoted another employee who was very young.  And possibly a tall midget.  Well, she wasn’t all that short… she just had midget proportions.  Anyway, boss #6 wasn’t all bad, but things went downhill when she started sleeping with a coworker.  They would talk about how they had sex on the sales counter after the store closed. Lovely, huh?  I started disinfecting at the beginning of all my shifts.  The two were finally fired because they moved in together, or got caught having sex in the store dumpster… something along those lines.  At that point, I no longer cared.

By the time management was interviewing for boss #7, I had put in my two weeks notice.  7 may be a lucky number, but I didn’t want to try my luck with another bad boss.

random porn customers | 2 Comments »

I found out that there’s a distillery in Wisconsin named Death’s Door Spirits.  They make gin and vodka… no whiskey yet (Greg’s drink of choice).  Even so, I think I’ll make a road trip when it gets warmer to buy a few bottles…

 *Update — Brian at Death’s Door Spirits say that their whiskey will be available on April 1st.  Now I’m planning a road trip for sure.

Greg Beck | 7 Comments »

VD… Valentine’s Day, that is.  Well I did. Eric and I picked a place to eat that has romance written all over it:

Yep, Westport Flea Market.  What? You don’t think a smoky bar with big-ass burgers is romantic? C’mon, just look at this:

Now doesn’t that juicy burger just fill you with desire?  

Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Or at least I figured out that I’m allergic to her.  I’ve been having all these dry eye problems, and that’s been forcing me to pay a lot of drinking money towards prescription eye drops every month.  The other day, my doctor asked me what has changed in the last year that could cause my eyes to get so bad.   

I told him I used to be allergic to dogs when I was younger. Bingo.  I never had a dog until Dangerboy and I got married at the end of 2006, and I thought I had outgrown the dog allergy. Wrong.  My doctor asked how old my dog is, I guess because he was hoping she would die soon.  But Ginger is  going to be around for many more years, so now I’m giving an allergy medicine a try.  At least it’s cheaper than forking over an arm and a leg every month to keep my eyes lubricated. And now I can put that extra money towards alcohol again.

photos of me | 7 Comments »

Last week, Heather of General Blather fame and I went on a much-delayed porn store excursion. We had originally planned to go with Kristine sometime last year but it didn’t happen. Kristine couldn’t come this time, so Heather and I braved the seedy porn stores alone.

First we hit Erotic City on Truman Road. I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the place, so I was mentally prepared for a super-skeezy place. Eh, it wasn’t so bad. It had all the usual adult book store stuff –movies, magazines, bad stripper clothes– but a few things were out of the ordinary. Like the LaChoy that was for sale behind the counter. And coffee creamer and furniture polish. I’m not sure what that stuff was doing there, but I wasn’t about to ask.

Next we went to the After Dark just down the road from Erotic City. We got to listen to the porn clerk explain to a customer how her parents got married on a bet. Then we found a bondage yoga ball with straps. I’m thinking you could play those straps off as handles if you take it to the gym. The other interesting toy we saw there was a fist masturbator. It looks like a woman’s fist, and while you use it, it says things like “Ooh, you’re soo big!“.

The last stop was the Naughty but Nice on 40 Highway. They had a dildo molded from John Holmes…blech. I wanted a souvenir for the evening, so I bought a magazine that had the cover girl’s nipples obscured by little clip art airplanes. The caption next to her said, “You’re needed in the cockpit“.

What I found most odd about the places –besides the talking fist and LaChoy– was the lack of music at any of the stores. Instead, we had to listen buzzing light fixtures and people in whack-off booths. I understand that porn clerks need to hear if customers are unwrapping items, but a little music couldn’t hurt. Well unless the porn clerks like listening to people in those whack-off booths.

Here’s Heather’s much better version of our porn store tour.

pr0n | 8 Comments »

So I’m looking at admission requirements for grad school, and eye-rolling at the whole “personal statement” issue.  Schools want to know why they should let you in, and I guess I can’t tell them the truth. You know, that they want money to give me a degree, and I want to give them money to give me said degree.  No, they want to know how my goals align with their goals. 

I wished that they’d ask me about something that interests me. Then I could tell them that if they name any porn star from the last 10 years, I can probably name at least 10 of their movies… in alphabetical order.  Or I could tell them in detail the differences between beer and hard cider. I would even give them my 20-page paper I wrote about the topic for a technical writing class.  (Hey, that instructor said we could write about anything.)  Or I could give them the scientific reasons why no one should ever eat the popcorn at Buzzard Beach.

But no, now I have to suck up to them and say why a grad school should take my money. Meh.  I need a drink… minus the Buzzard Beach popcorn.

Uncategorized | 9 Comments »