It’s that time of year again… time to vote for your favorite blogger in the Pitch’s Best of Kansas City Reader’s Poll.  Or even better, it’s time for bloggers to start creative marketing campaigns for votes.  Seriously, I’d love to see some people go all out with the campaigning… slogans, graphics, banners, mass emails… the whole shebang.  Anyone up for it?

Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

The porn store carried all kinds of condoms… colored, flavored, glow in the dark, ribbed, studded, spiral/corkscrewed shaped, desensitizing ones, sensitizing ones, extra long, extra wide, and extra thin condoms. A few customers would look at the selection and get a overwhelmed.

However, this one customer who came in always knew what he wanted in condoms… banana flavor. Every time Banana Man came in, he would buy a pack of these damn banana flavored condoms. One day after he left, a coworker and I decided to open a package to see what they tasted like. So she and I stood at the counter with yellow condoms on our fingers and tasted them.

The only word I can think to describe the taste would be… putrid. The sickly sweet faux banana flavored latex was so disgusting, I can’t even think of anything to compare it to, except maybe banana Laffy Taffy stuck to a surgical glove and left under a car seat to ripen for a year.

When Banana Man came in another time to purchase his gagalicious favorite, I asked him what was up with the banana crap. He said his girlfriend loved the flavor. I guess if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

random porn customers, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Greg Beck | 7 Comments »

On the latest road trip, a friend and I drove to visit another friend who had recently moved to Des Moines. We three gals did lots of sightseeing, and even to went a hot air balloon festival with fireworks. 

We checked out the state capital and saw a few monuments across the street.  The Soldiers and Sailors Monument is a little different. It commemorates Iowans who fought in the Civil War, and there were statues of soldiers all over it, which made sense. But the monument also had this:

 She’s Iowa.  And apparently Iowa is willing to share her bounty with us.

road trips | 9 Comments »

I never worked at Ray’s Video, but it was probably my favorite porn store in the city. It was located at 3324 Main in Kansas City, the perfect location for perusing porn after getting drunk in Westport. It never failed that I always would run into someone I knew there after the bars closed. We were all polite enough to never ask why the other person was there.

To me, Ray’s was everything a porn store should be, and that means a little dirty yet smelling of bleach.  How is that you ask? Well the main part of the store can be dirty, but the arcades, video booths where people jack off, have to be cleaned. And nothing cleans body fluids better than bleach. 

The front room didn’t have much… a few racks of lingerie, some lube, gift cards, and regular magazines, like People and Time. But, when you entered the back room, it was like a porn lover’s dream. There were rows and rows of dirty movies. I think the weirdest movie box I saw the one with Ron Jeremy and a doll.  They had shelves of smut magazines, new and used. I bought a used Playboy there for an old friend with his favorite playmate in it.

And the toys! Actually there weren’t that many, now that I think about it. But they carried some cool ones.  I remember one time going there with several people after a few too many drinks for the sole purpose of looking at The Fist. We even took pics of ourselves making fists in front of the neon Ray’s sign. Like I said, a few too many drinks : )

Anyway, I loved Ray’s Video and now it’s gone. I guess I’ll have to find another dirty, used porn mag selling, bleach-smelling porn store elsewhere. Got any suggestions? 

random porn customers | 3 Comments »

Another road trip for me this weekend… this time to good ol’ Des Moines.  Next time, Greg needs to come with me on a road trip.  We had one planned a year or two ago and then it just didn’t happen.  He wants to get the crap scared out of him by some ghosts at the Crescent Hotel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas.  That might have to be an ambush road trip, where I just shove Greg in the car… we’ll see how that works out.

road trips | 2 Comments »