As I told the D, my blog was on a covert operation with the A-Team. But as you know, no one ever gets shot or killed in A-Team world, so my blog made it home safely. As Hannibal always said, I love it when I plan comes together. More updates to follow…

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I found this story and now I’m thoroughly grossed out, and it take a lot for me to be grossed out. A woman in Tulsa, with her boyfriend’s help, made over 150 sex tapes with her dogs. The tapes weren’t being sold. They were for personal use, so this woman was having sex with dogs just for the hell of it. Even worse, her son found one of the tapes and ended up contacting the authorities. Can you imagine? He popped a tape in and found his mom having sex with a dog. Gross. And amazingly, this didn’t take place in Arkansas.

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Dangerboy and I went camping over the 4th of July weekend with some friends. It’s become an Independence Day tradition for us. Also a tradition is being entertained by our neighboring campers. This year we were next to a whiskey tango couple with five boys. The couple’s youngest little boy kept toddling over to our site. I thought he wanted us to take him away, but his mom said he was just looking for a TV.

The husband and wife bickered back and forth quite a bit over the weekend. At one point the wife told her husband, “You don’t have to call me stupid just because I’m readin’.” The next day the family had visitors, and the boys’ grandma was there drinking her own 6-pack. One of the guys was wearing a white undershirt, smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer, all with a baby strapped to his chest.

So that was our 4th of July, and I’m really glad to be home. How was yours?

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I few years ago, my friend Anna Falana and I decided to road trip to Chicago for Labor Day. We drove into Chicago thinking we’d be able to get a hotel room, not realizing they’d all be booked for the holiday. We called around until we found a place that had an open room… The Sportsman’s Inn Motel.

Anna Falana and I went into the motel, and the staff were behind a glass partition. Not a good sign. The place looked sketchy, but we really needed a room. The woman at the front desk asked how long we wanted to stay. That’s when we found out the place rented the rooms in 4-hour increments, or overnight. Uh, not good. We told her we wanted to stay all night. Then the lady said she couldn’t rent to us because she thought we were prostitutes.

I looked at what Anna Falana and I were wearing… tank tops, knee length denim skirts, and flip flops. If we were hookers, we sure did a shitty job dressing for success. I told Anna Falana that I didn’t want to argue over a crappy motel room with a woman who thought we were prostitutes. When we walked out, I noticed a cop sitting in the lobby. So that’s why we were turned down. Normally, the place probably does bang-up business renting to hookers and johns.

Here’s some pics from their website…

The Cupid Room…

The Red Room…

The Space Room…

The Beach Room…

So if you ever want to rent a room for 4 hours with a prostitute in Chicago, check out the Sportsman’s Inn Motel. Just make sure there are no cops in the lobby.

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Dangerboy and I have found a new house, but we need to sell ours before we can move. It’s a ranch house in the Volker area of Midtown…. four blocks to West 39th Street, near State Line Road. There’s good bus access to Westport, Downtown, and the Plaza, plus it’s stumbling distance from Jazz, Minsky’s, and D. B. Coopers. Here’s some more details…

- 3 Bedrooms, 2 baths
- 4th bedroom in the basement
- Hardwood floors
- Huge two-car detached garage with room for workshop, bikes, etc
- Large corner lot with shade trees
- Fenced dog run
- Two-level deck that’s great for parties

And the best part? Our house is close to The D and all his awesomeness. Can it get any better than that? Anyway, if you know of anyone in the market for a house in the area, or who just wants to be within stalking distance of The D, let me know and I can send out the listing info.

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I went into the Dollar Tree on Roe the other day… the place where everything is only a dollar. I tell ya, I feel rich in there. So I go to pay for my dollar loot, and I see something behind the counter that confused me. A pregnancy test… for a dollar. WTF? Is someone really going to trust the results of a test that cost a buck? At least they didn’t have any packages of dollar condoms… which would probably lead to the dollar pregnancy test.

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On the KCMO Police Department website, I found this prostitution map.   Independence Avenue is obviously the place with the most action, with Troost Corridor second, and smaller outbreaks in other parts of the city. However, if you go to any of these places, I can’t guarantee the quality of the help or their services. Enter at your own risk, preferably with a condom.

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It’s Friday, so here’s a weekend scenario for you. Let’s say you are single and hanging out at a bar. You’ve drank more than your share, and you want to take someone home and do dirty things to them. However, since it’s closing time, the pickings have gotten slim. So, do you take home…

a) The girl or guy with the gorgeous face?
b) Or the girl or guy with the hot body?

Most of the guys I’ve asked have said the hot body, but one said he’d want the pretty face. As he says, you just can’t fix ugly.

Me… I’m a sucker for a cute face.  So what would you do?

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Chris Packham of the Pitch and Farmer Bob interviewed me for an article that was in last Thursday’s Pitch.  He said he was interviewing interesting Kansas Citians about their favorite funny books. I wondered how the hell he ended up thinking I’m interesting, but whatever works. Anyway, here’s the article that includes interviews with five cool people… and then there’s me.

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I was at Jazz tonight, and I went into the restroom before I left. While I was in a stall, a woman was washing her hands, and another woman walked in. They both sounded excited to see each other, and I gathered they were former coworkers. One said, “Are you still working there?”, and the other answered, “No, I’m a little old for that… I have a straight job now.” They talked a little more, and one said, “Yeah, if gas prices keep going up, I”ll have to go back and pick up some dancing shifts again.”

Oh yeah, I was in the bathroom with two former strippers. And I gathered from their conversation that they used to “show it all” at Bazooka’s. Reminds me of the time I was in a dressing room and two strippers were next to me. For someone who doesn’t sell pasties and g-strings at a porn store anymore, I still run into my fair share of strippers.

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