Dangerboy and I went on a trip last week. I knew it was off to a good start when we were at the airport and overheard a business man’s cell phone conversation:
“He’s an asshole, he’s an asshole. I know he’s my brother, Dad, but he’s still an asshole.”
Other highlights include…
- Getting drunk with a Portland friend before lunch… okay, maybe before breakfast
- Hearing the phrase “shut the front door” for the first time (Nice way to say STFU)
- Staying on our friends’ sailboat in Seattle
- Drunken dinghy rides (Not that kind of dingy… get your minds out of the gutter)
- Finding a place with old school peep show booths in Seattle
- Staying in a corner penthouse suite in downtown Vancouver
- Fireworks in Vancouver just because
- Beautiful 70 degree weather
The only negative was that I couldn’t tell the difference between the hippies and the homeless in Portland. I didn’t know who needed my spare change the most. All in all, it was a great trip, and I’m sure Dangerboy will have some of the pics up on his site soon.
Our trip to California was great, and it was a pain in the ass to come back to all the snow in KC. Dangerboy has a recap and he’s also posted some pics. He hit all the highlights in his post, so I’ll skip those and tell you about the porn clerk stuff.
In LA, we stopped in the Hustler store and I bought some Olivia playing cards featuring Bettie Page. After the clerk swiped my credit card, their machine broke down. While we waited for it to be fixed, a well preserved woman came in and asked where the condoms were. She told the clerk, “Make-up and condoms… I can’t help buying either”. It was 11 in the morning, and I figured she had a nooner scheduled with someone who wasn’t her husband.
We found a porn store near Larry Flint’s Hustler Club in San Francisco called Big Al’s. A sign there read, “Preview any movie for $10″. Why would you want to preview a movie? That’s how much their wack off booths cost. 10 bucks… seems kinda steep to me.
We went to Good Vibrations in San Francisco and checked out their antique vibrator museum. Most of them looked liked hand mixers to me. We looked through their books and found one called A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. I didn’t realize that fisting was a fine art. And in case you’re wondering, we didn’t buy it… I have no interest in having an entire hand within punching distance of my uterus.
Eric and I saw these posters in San Francisco. Some of the posters said “What’s in your slot?” I’m not sure what they’re advertising, but I bet you can make a guess.
Eric and I are going to L.A and San Francisco next week… got any suggestions on things to do? I think at least Nightmare and Joe should have a few ideas to throw my way.
And here’s Dr. Dre and Tupac doing their best Mad Max impressions to jumpstart your weekend…
